My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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