My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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