I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
worst night to have a conscience
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize