It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
