The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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