i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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