My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Randomize
