I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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