so explain again why im purple
no
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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