That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize