I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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