Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just want to make out with him forever
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
