I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize