took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
