you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
