I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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