tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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