Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
