Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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