good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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