I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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