I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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