yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
