Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
