he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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