she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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