Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
