Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize