They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
