tell your sister to shave her snatch
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
