remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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