what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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