Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
