so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
