I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
honey bunches of taint.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
