Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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