i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize