Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
