My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
