They should really pass out barf bags in church
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize