Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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