there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
