Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
