1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
