I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
