i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
