bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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