i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
