I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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