i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me I should be a condom model.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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