i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
