its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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