He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
