Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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