OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
