I need help removing her.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
