I just gift wrapped bread.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
