Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
