giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
