I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
