there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
