dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
