At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
