I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
two words...techno handjob
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
