Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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