I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
