dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
