So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
