making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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