Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
