TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize