Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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