We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The air taste purple.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
