oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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