My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
