I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize