Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
