Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
