I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
