Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
should my penis look like a turkey
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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