I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize