Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
