Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
