Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
