If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
