i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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