u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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