so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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