please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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