I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
