go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My hand turned me down
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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