Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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