You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
