my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so much tequila, so little girl.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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