dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
