He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
