can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
