when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
