I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Randomize
