Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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