A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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